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Literature Text
Darkness is patient. It does not hunt or seek its prey. It does not grow weak or weary. It will bide its time, allowing light to banish it, only to return when light fades.
Darkness is wise. Even when it is upon its prey, it does not strike. Like a fly trapped in a web, the spider waits for the struggling to stop, for the screams to fade into sobs.
Darkness is efficient. It engulfs its prey and corrodes sanity until the tender mind is exposed.
Darkness is hungry....
Darkness is wise. Even when it is upon its prey, it does not strike. Like a fly trapped in a web, the spider waits for the struggling to stop, for the screams to fade into sobs.
Darkness is efficient. It engulfs its prey and corrodes sanity until the tender mind is exposed.
Darkness is hungry....
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Comments7
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Hello!
I found your work in the Lit Critique Thread and I'm critiquing this as part of ^Beccalicious's Twelve days of Critmas.
Firstly, I agree with the other commenter, the metaphors are really nice and work well in this. I like how you've personified Darkness, you've given it emotion and personality which is great. I would suggest that you perhaps look at your layout to give this a bit more impact. I'm in favour of italicizing words too, for added emotive-ness. Separating it out like this:
Darkness is patient.
It does not hunt.. and so on.
So introducing your personifications of Darkness on a line all to itself might work nicely. I also feel that you have too many commas separating out one sentence. It does not grow weak or weary...this line is quite long, broken up somewhat. I feel like it would be better if this flowed, at the moment reading it out loud it seems to me to be quite broken.
Anyway there's my feedback! Lovely idea, nice use of metaphors - great work
I found your work in the Lit Critique Thread and I'm critiquing this as part of ^Beccalicious's Twelve days of Critmas.
Firstly, I agree with the other commenter, the metaphors are really nice and work well in this. I like how you've personified Darkness, you've given it emotion and personality which is great. I would suggest that you perhaps look at your layout to give this a bit more impact. I'm in favour of italicizing words too, for added emotive-ness. Separating it out like this:
Darkness is patient.
It does not hunt.. and so on.
So introducing your personifications of Darkness on a line all to itself might work nicely. I also feel that you have too many commas separating out one sentence. It does not grow weak or weary...this line is quite long, broken up somewhat. I feel like it would be better if this flowed, at the moment reading it out loud it seems to me to be quite broken.
Anyway there's my feedback! Lovely idea, nice use of metaphors - great work